Friday, June 10, 2016

How to do it

Hey y'all!

I recently had a conversation with a longtime friend of mine.  I have been thinking about it a lot since then and thought a lot of people may need to hear it, so hear ya go.

She asked if she could ask me something, and of course I said yes.  She knew what all I went through over the last few years and has gone through something terrible, relationship-wise herself.  She said "How do you do it? How do you trust again? How do you let yourself love again?"
My quick text (really, Facebook message) answer was "Well, you have to, right?"

Then over the coming hours, and then days, I started to think about that more.  And I knew that in the moments after I decided to be done with my previous relationship I knew I would love again, I am built for it. We all are.  And here is what I thought:
I really did think he was the love of my life. HOWEVER. If he was he would not have done what he did, we would not have ended up here.  He wouldn't have treated me that way and said what he did all those times to me.  So, he very clearly wasn't the love of my life. 

Now, for my simply "you have to" answer-- you can't let some idiot who doesn't appreciate what you have to offer--because that is what someone is that would treat you that way is--ruin you for someone great.  You can't not love again. Love is great. and wonderful. and makes all this craziness worth it. 

And, when you find someone, or someone finds you, who sits on the beach with you for hours, dances his butt off with you at concerts, loves football like you-even if it's a rival team- loves your wiener girls almost like you do, sleeps curled up around you even though you both sleep hot when the air is set to 66* in the house.... you hold on. Tight. When there is someone who is more than compatible on multiple levels and makes you smile, holds your hand.. you don't let go. Even if you may still be healing. Like I was (am). 

You, my lovelies, have too much to offer to let someone let you think otherwise for long.  It's hard. Life, and love, is hard.  But. It is all worth it.  Opening up to someone when your heart has been broken and scarred is scary. But do it anyway.  one of my favorite quotes is below...

Friday, April 15, 2016


Well hello there!
It's been quite the year or so.  More on that later. 
Earlier this year I was driving about an hour away to see my brother in a play he was in, for the second time. It is quite an emotional play (really, musical) and for me most things are a bit more emotional.  I've come to embrace that side of me ;)  As I was driving I had a bit of an epiphany and wish I could have been typing as I drove. Alas that is illegal & super dangerous!  Hopefully I can recreate some of that here

Bear with me as this post may be somewhat picture quote heavy! You know I tend to love those.

I've learned that...

You live. You win. You lose. and if you do it right, you love. and you love big. And I have.  How can you have any regrets with that?  Life is hard.  Everyone is dealing with their own things, their own demons. Their own knock-me-down-to-the-kitchen-floor stuff. Believe me, been there. Haven't you? And here we are. Up. Alive. And hopefully better for it. Let's talk about it, though. Let's not hide it. Let's not run from it. Let's hope someone can benefit from whatever it is we went through. Let's let the good in our past continue to live on. Let's not erase the past.  That doesn't do any good.  I've learned words are cathartic for me. I like to write. We've ALWAYS known I loooooove to talk ;) but writing... I like! It doesn't always follow a great format or make a whole lot of sense, but who cares? Get it out. 

Last year I...
Didn't want to get out bed some days. Had to fight through that. I paid my car payment 2 weeks late. Twice. My mortgage was late once. Credit card payments were late.  But I lived. and Lived well, with a capital L. and had fun! Spent the year at concerts, my favorite thing. I saw so many of my favorite bands. I can't even name them all!  I said "why not" to several concerts and had a blast. Spent money I should not have on it, but guess what, everything got paid, everything worked out, I was healing, and I did what I wanted to, what I felt I needed to. 

This year I finally went back to school. I've wanted to for the last 6 years. I'm doing it! Why not? It's my calling. I'm passionate about it. I'm living for me. I've got to give this life all I've got.

I've started practicing yoga again. I will be going to conferences later in the year and hope to start teacher training...something I've wanted to do for some time.  Wish me luck :)
I ended up in the ER earlier this year. My body finally gave out.  I'm ok, my body had just had enough. It was finally out of survival mode and able to break down and say "enough. time to rest" So I slept for 4 days. Now I listen to my body more. 
Truth. 100%. Sorry, not sorry.

You have but one life. What are your dreams?

This one. I'm doing this more. Who cares what anyone else thinks about what you're doing. It's your life. Your decisions. They don't have to live with the fallout.