It's ok.

Well, hello.

It's been awhile.  And in that while, my life has changed. Drastically. Completely. {insert any other earth shattering word}

Y'all may remember my passion for mental health awareness & suicide prevention (if not, see.... well. I haven't told you about that yet. Ok, made a note. it's coming soon.)

So let's back track real quick. Like I said, I'll go into detail later this week.. but.. one of my life's passions is bringing awareness to mental health and releasing the stigma surrounding both that and suicide prevention.  One of the most important things to know is this: IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK & TO SAY IT!   Please, say it. Keep saying when people disagree with you and respond with "no, you're fine. you're ok. you have a job, you have a roof over your head" etc etc etc. Trust me, it happened to me. Keep saying it until you are ok. Keep saying until you get what you need.  Spread the word. Tell your people to say if they're not ok. To ask for help. To ask for a shoulder. To ask for an ear. For whatever you need.

As I said, my life has changed in the last year. I have moments where I am not ok, and for a variety of reasons. People now listen. and understand {the best they can}.

I had moments where I was hyperventilating on the floor of my bathroom, sobbing on the floor of the kitchen, sometimes a song will still get me. It happens. and it's OK. Because, I will be ok. I'm on the road to being ok. Someone asked me about it today and said "are you ok?" I stopped for a second. Noone has asked in awhile. And I replied "No. No I'm not. I haven't been for a year. But I will be" One day I'll be 'whole' again....as whole as can be.  Which is to be expected after having your life torn apart from the inside. 

My point in this is... if someone is telling you they are not ok, LISTEN. 

If you're not ok SAY IT. Say it again. and again. Until you are heard.  

Tomorrow-- we'll talk about my new favorite book.  

And why it's ok "if you feel too much"   {and some shopping! ;) }

a Pinterest aha moment

Like many of you, I have the Pinterest app on my phone. I use everywhere--probably dangerously so. I walk and do it, I do it while having conversations with whomever, I watch TV and do it. Addicted? Yes! I've been on Pinterest since it was in its beta days (I'm quite proud of that! :) ). And have looooooooved it ever since.

The other evening, on my way home from work, a Pinterest notification popped up on my phone.
Now, let me back track a bit. I have been having some difficult days at work recently. Not that my job is particular difficult, it is decidedly not. But I do have a staff and I do work with the public.  And sometimes those things really get to me, as they have recently. So as I'm coming home this certain evening, I'm a little stressed, and letting every little thing get to me. In those moments I tend forget the good things and focus on the bad.  So when I get the notifications that someone pinned one of my pins I generally scroll down to see what pin it was.  This is the pin in that moment that had be repinned:

I pinned this 2.5 years ago. With the caption: Black painted cabinets. grey walls. turquoise accents. love.

See it here.

Just a seemingly normal kitchen pin. Except its not.  This is my kitchen! Ok, not this exact kitchen. But same layout, same builder, same black cabinets, same wall color. And I did not realize this until that night.  Here is my actual kitchen:

See? Same kitchen! Pinterest is a vision board! Realizing I was living in the kitchen that I drooled over a few years back snapped back to reality. It made me focus on the positive after that dreadful day.

Ok, I'm off to cook dinner in this kitchen!

Happy New Year!!

Well, it's January 1, 2014. Another year has come and gone! Already! It felt like it flew by... So much so that I feel that I did not accomplish much of anything I set out to in 2013. So I'm going to change that!

Last night C & I had a low key evening. Dinner and champagne, and then more champagne in the hottub~ We watched football and then the ball drop :) low key, but still fun!

My resolutions this year include:

•  be healthier--that includes food, working out, not letting stress take its toll, etc.
• work on quality time with C. He travels for work, A LOT. and I find we get stuck in a routine when he is home. So we're going to work on that.
• work on my spirituality
• become more organized. I started this today actually, by reorganizing my coupons. Don't laugh! It made me feel accomplished for the day, and is something that really needed to be done.
• put more time into this. 
• Start (or create!) my dream career...whatever that may mean. I want to be at least started on the path this year. 
• Shop my closet more--instead of the mall.

Overall, I want to be happier & healthier. That is my wish for all of you, too.  What are some of your resolutions?

xox,

Ash

What I wore

As I type this, it's 68 degrees outside. The windows in my house are open, dinner (white chicken chili) is on the stove, fall candles are burning... they're my favorite ones, all from bath & body works. Y'all, if you haven't smelled Leaves by B&BW yet, run! It is.the.best.!!

Tonight we'll have our first fire in the firepit outside of the season...glass of wine in hand. It'll be a wonderful evening.  C has been home for the last two weeks, and will be for the next week and a half. It's been so nice! Usually, he's gone 3-4 nights a week for work. 

Anyway.... here's what I've worn recently!

 You can tell it's football season!! Dress: LOFT, belt: H&M, scarf: stole from my mom :), Shoes: super old from wet seal

Top & Shoes: Charlotte Russe, Belt: I have no clue its so old. Like 7 years old maybe. Skirt: J Crew Factory, jewelry: collected over the years. There is a LOFT & Brighton bracelet there, though.

Top & skirt: LOFT

Ok so I've loved foxes waaaaaay before the song "what does the fox say". I just wanted to clarify :)

Sweater: Ann Taylor; Blackwatch pants: LOFT

 Nothing special about this outfit, but my tee shirt says "My husband's wife is freaking awesome. True story" Hilarious, right?!

Tee: Skreened.com, Yoga crops: old VS Pink

Let me just tell y'all about these pants. The ones below are similar (but from somewhere different..cost more. and I like the orange & blue fit much better). I now have 3 pairs of pants like this. And am ordering another one! They're so so so comfortable and cute. Like fancy yoga pants :)

Tank: LOFT, scarf: from my sister in law, fabulous pants: Blue Lawn Boutique. Go order some. You'll fall in love like I did! I'm sure you'll see these pants pop up here all the time!

Tank: LOFT, necklace: super old, watch: Michael Kors, Pants: Boca Leche

 I would have bought this skirt in every color they had if it came in others.  It felt like wearing yoga pants! (anyone else notice I'm talking a lot about yoga pants? I guess I'm obsessed with being presentable and comfortable lately...!) Plus, the skirt was $12!!!

Top: LOFT, skirt: Forever21, Shoes: Buckle

 Who doesn't love a statement necklace? and one of these embellished sweatshirts and so cute!

Shorts: J Crew, Boots: (they have a cognac colored loooong fleur de lis on the back) Charlotte Russe, Sweatshirt: Forever21 (has sheer black panel in back), White & yellow button down: Target, Necklace: online somewhere..sorry!

Top: LOFT, skirt: Francesca's, Booties: Charlotte Russe

This skirt is fantastic. It holds shape even when it's on the hanger. Generally I would have worn heels with this skirt but at work I need something more comfortable, with my back issues right now. Enter: booties. They add an edge to the outfit and are way more comfortable than a heel!

And that's what I've worn in the last two weeks or so :)

xox~

Ash

Fall/Holiday Bedroom

I'm thinking of getting some holiday bedding! Much to C's delight..... hahahaha :)

Here's what we currently have:

 

I clearly didn't take this picture for this reason! Please excuse the mess. My 3 dachshunds (one of which you can  see! that's my Paisley) messed it up about 1.2 seconds after I made the bed this day. Also, we now have to more pillows.. they say Good and Night in the same blue that the euro shams are in.  Anyway,  It's the Bella Paisley duvet from Pottery Barn, white linen sheets, and awning stripe pillowcases..all also from PB. The euro pillows and shams came from JC Penney and total were $45. Great deal~

Here is what I looooooooove for fall and the holidays:

 

Gorgeous, right?! I mean, minus the fireplace, this could be our room! Similar furniture and color. The aqua medallion sheets and aqua in the duvet match the wall color in our room. I just love it. 

The king duvet is $159, and sheets are $159. If I get a 15% off total purchase coupon....this is being ordered!!

I saw all this in the new PB Bed & Bath mag.  Also in that, the following: 

This is very similar to our bathroom. We need the hardware and faucets. Since we do not currently have hardware on our cabinets, I told C this is what I want! Hooray!  Hopefully that'll happen next weekend :) 

Tomorrow: what I've worn for the last two weeks

xox~

Ash

What I learned from putting together 2 chairs

I have had my dining room table for almost 1 year. The table came right after we moved in.  The table, as seen below, was built by my stepdad. He had an inspiration table and measurements from me, and he went to town. My husband painted it white. I went back and forth on what color I wanted....but you can't go wrong with white! We have almost black cabinets, grey walls & countertops. I wanted a coastal-y vibe in the whole house...so white was perfect.

The poor table sat lonely (read: without chairs) for about 10 months...until August! I knew the look I wanted, and it wasn't cookie-cutter, ready made, or something you could see anywhere. Well, and since my table was custom made, I couldn't have something like that anyway!  I searched and searched and searched.....and searched somemore. I spent many nights while C was traveling for work scouring the internet for chairs.  I needed reasonably priced, wanted wicker for the head chairs, and something else for the side.  This took forever.

I saw the head chairs online at World Market one day..and knew they were it. I waited until I had a 15% off coupon and went & bought them! (and put them in my 4 door sedan....I'm still not sure how that happened! C, if you're reading this....we NEED an SUV!!!)
The side by the window will house a bench, also made by my stepdad, in the next couple of weeks.  Then I focused on side chairs.  I thought a parson would be best, simple, can be slipcovered, and easy to find.  Enter: Target. 

Their new Threshold line is fabulous y'all! So the chairs went on sale for $65 a piece; I had a $10 giftcard for a couponing outing the week before; and their Cartwheel app had 5% off dining chairs...oh, and I have a Red card, so I save 5% on everything everytime.  A deal I could not pass up.  These went into my car easily. They were in boxes.

 Here they are! Perfect. I can get slipcovers from anywhere to suit my decorating desires!
As I said above, they came in pieces in boxes. I had to put them together! Well, ok, I could have waited for C but he was on a long work trip.... I didn't want to wait! I had waited long enough.  I started putting them together in the garage. Everything was together, all pieces fit, screws were tightened...or so I thought. When I got them next to the table and upright, I could feel they were a little loose, a little unsteady. So I un-velcroed the bottoms and went back to work. It was so weird. All of a sudden, pieces moved ever so slightly and fell into place. Screws that would not turn anymore earlier, did! Then they were sturdy.  As I sat testing out my new chairs, I started to think.... Wow, there's a life lesson in there. Someone wanted to teach me something that day. I clearly had patience (with some things)...I had a lonely table for almost a year....but I learned to expand that patience into other areas of my life.  I learned that you may think things are how they are supposed to be, but a minor change may make all the difference.  That once something gets into it's proper location, you'll really see what needs to happen.

All that from a couple of dining chairs from Target!

Uninspired?

Hi!
So. Have you ever had one of those moments where you just think to yourself "what am I supposed to be doing with my life?" I have. This moment has lasted for awhile now. And at times it is worse than others.  I've been trying, hard, to find the answer to that very question. No, I have not yet found it.  I've been uninspired for some time now.  Hence my little (ok, not so little) absence. I'm working on that inspiration though! Just check out this board on Pinterest.

I've had many moments in the last year or so where I've felt as though I am not participating in my life, just riding along. For example, there are some things I would have done differently with the wedding. Don't get me wrong, I think it was an absolutely fabulous day and I was (& am) incredibly happy. But, if I would have had more time, some things would have been better. And I mean time spent at home or planning instead of working like crazy and having a looooong commute--not more time as in a longer engagement.  I would have had more involvement in making my sister's baby shower wonderful. C & I would have gone on a vacation. It's been years since we've taken one. No, not even a honeymoon.  

How do you know when you've found the right career? Is it like finding the one you're supposed to marry? I know how that feels. Will I just know?  Hmmm....I guess we'll see!  Below are some of the things I've pinned that have kept my mind wandering and pondering.

          This one really got to me. It was almost exactly what I had been thinking and feeling.

                                   This is what I'm focusing on! What's too grand? Nothing!

Take this journey with me.  Better yet, tell me your journey. How did you know you were doing the thing you were meant to do? If you're not sure yet, tell me that, too!


Tomorrow: what I learned putting dining room chairs together. :)


xox.
Ash~